With.the.end.in.mind

I just got my MRI scan images back today and when I looked at it I thought, "Wow... this is so cool. Its beautiful."

It is the first time I was seeing what was beyond my skin and flesh. My bone, its structure, the parts that hold it together, some of the organs around it... No wonder God saw it and said that it was good.

Then I remembered the process and experience of going through the scan. The waiting, staying still, not being able to move, the cold, the vulnerable feeling... I was fascinate by the whole thing at the start and then fell asleep for certain amount of time and rested. Then waking up again and feeling even more uncomfortable because of the duration involved in the scan.

All that to see what is beneath the skin, the beauty that God calls good, hidden under my skin.

I almost immediately thought about my life now and the journey I've embarked on. Meditating on it, if put parallel to each other, this (the MRI experience) would be identical when superimposed upon my journey.

"The wait" as I would call it, will be uncomfortable, I'll have to stay still as much as I want to move, it will at times feel cold, I'll be vulnerable to my emotions, thoughts and desires with God and others (at times)... there will be seasons when this part of me will be asleep and also uncomfortable when it awakens/for the duration it remains awake.

And then I remember the end product, to be able to see the beauty, the wonder of it, what was beneath the surface... what God called GOOD.

"Sometimes you have to tear things down to build it back up again."
-from the movie Joshua.

While.I'm.Waiting

While I'm Waiting
by John Waller(OST Fireproof)

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

- Waiting is an active process, not a passive one. -

Death "til death do us part"

Someone once said that men usually die faster than the woman (forgive me if my facts aren't accurate) and added that in marriage, men have to die for the women.
Now ease up and don't get big eyed on me just yet, I'm not talking a literal death. In Eph 5:25 it says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her...".
Right now as I type this I am actually putting to death myself for the sake of a woman who I see as my wife. If you're asking "why are you doing this? You are not married, you're not even engaged...", I draw your attention to Jesus and the church. He is referred to as the bridegroom and we the church His bride. He wasn't married, there's no mention of engagement, the bride still had the option of turning away and rejecting Him... yet with all that He laid down His life for her. It wasn't an easy thing to do, but love stirs a man to give. It is how men were made, to give, while a woman receives. Men in giving receives and this maybe a little hardcore for some, but sex is a brilliant example of it (don't let your thoughts wander too far now, and I will not elaborate any further on this example, it could get too graphic).
My desires, urges, wants, needs, longing, craving, hunger, burning passion, whatever you wanna call it, has to die for now. If you are asking what is the purpose of this, Eph 5:26-27 says, "...that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church (bride), not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.".
In today's world, great love is potrayed in the death of one person for the sake of another.
As this blog is titled 'Life in Death', I choose death so that there may be life. After all God has the power to resurrect, Jesus died to give life to all and then He himself was resurrected and given back the life that He laid down. There is always hope in God.

For.His.Glory

Take Me
by Worth Dying For

Take all of me
I don't want anything left.
Empty me, I'm broken for Your glory.
In all, I do praise
will be brought to Your name.

'Cause I love you.
I love You Jesus.
I love You.

When I fall Your arms are there
When I fail, You still forgive

I'm crying out from inside.
With all that I am.
Take me.

Everything I go through is for His glory. I may not see how it is possible but with God nothing is impossible. He knows what He is doing and in everything there are multiple facets not just the one I tend to see.
Things may look this way from this angle but there are more angles than just the one I'm seeing and I may not see the entire picture now but will eventually. Everything happens for a reason and nothing is coincident. There are no accidents with God.
I'm broken FOR HIS GLORY, there is no other reason for it.
And in all I do, praise will be brought to His name. I will praise Him even when its tough to.

I love Him.
He's so amazing... How can I not love Him? Even through my falls and failings, His grace surrounds me, consumes me, overwhelms me. Indeed He is God, the God that goes beyond our imagination or highest perception of who He is.

He.Orchestrates.

Life. Filled with sequences of ups and downs. Things happen and life takes a turn, but what gives you stability to do what you've been doing, to hold on to what you believe in, to keep pressing on.

I've had to ask myself that recently. Making decisions on stands I want to make with my life, boundaries I wanted to set and even strength to avoid and fight habits.

Was I doing what I wanted to, or did for a person instead of THE person. I think somewhere along the line I got it mixed and confused. I did it for someone and when that someone was removed from the picture, the questions of whether I should carry on with it emerged. I had to regain perspective on the reason i was doing it.

I have now concluded that the boundaries that I set for myself is for me and the person I'm going to spend my life with. Doesn't matter if she is in the picture now or not. My perspective has to be for something bigger than just the present, I don't wait til she has come before setting the boundaries, I do it now. I start preparing now.

I will live above reproach.

The strength that this person brought through testimony that has helped me with my struggles so far is from God, not the person. Everything is from Him no matter how it comes. I need to and will continue to look to Him coz He is my everything.