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Ironic

The origin of my name is from Jeremiah and I just found this on wikipedia:
"Jeremiah is also famous as "the broken-hearted prophet" (who wrote or dictated a "broken-hearted book", which has been difficult for scholars to put into chronological order), whose heart-rending life, and true prophecies of dire warning went largely unheeded by the people of Israel."

How ironic...

Yet my name does mean "Appointed by God". If being appointed by God means I have to be heart-broken a lot, then I say *breathes deeply* "OK, here I am. Take me through it...". After all, His grace IS sufficient for me!

I also found out that Jeremiah had the gift of celibacy (through my bibles commentary), something I didn't inherit along with that name. LOL.

With.the.end.in.mind

I just got my MRI scan images back today and when I looked at it I thought, "Wow... this is so cool. Its beautiful."

It is the first time I was seeing what was beyond my skin and flesh. My bone, its structure, the parts that hold it together, some of the organs around it... No wonder God saw it and said that it was good.

Then I remembered the process and experience of going through the scan. The waiting, staying still, not being able to move, the cold, the vulnerable feeling... I was fascinate by the whole thing at the start and then fell asleep for certain amount of time and rested. Then waking up again and feeling even more uncomfortable because of the duration involved in the scan.

All that to see what is beneath the skin, the beauty that God calls good, hidden under my skin.

I almost immediately thought about my life now and the journey I've embarked on. Meditating on it, if put parallel to each other, this (the MRI experience) would be identical when superimposed upon my journey.

"The wait" as I would call it, will be uncomfortable, I'll have to stay still as much as I want to move, it will at times feel cold, I'll be vulnerable to my emotions, thoughts and desires with God and others (at times)... there will be seasons when this part of me will be asleep and also uncomfortable when it awakens/for the duration it remains awake.

And then I remember the end product, to be able to see the beauty, the wonder of it, what was beneath the surface... what God called GOOD.

"Sometimes you have to tear things down to build it back up again."
-from the movie Joshua.

While.I'm.Waiting

While I'm Waiting
by John Waller(OST Fireproof)

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

- Waiting is an active process, not a passive one. -

Death "til death do us part"

Someone once said that men usually die faster than the woman (forgive me if my facts aren't accurate) and added that in marriage, men have to die for the women.
Now ease up and don't get big eyed on me just yet, I'm not talking a literal death. In Eph 5:25 it says, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her...".
Right now as I type this I am actually putting to death myself for the sake of a woman who I see as my wife. If you're asking "why are you doing this? You are not married, you're not even engaged...", I draw your attention to Jesus and the church. He is referred to as the bridegroom and we the church His bride. He wasn't married, there's no mention of engagement, the bride still had the option of turning away and rejecting Him... yet with all that He laid down His life for her. It wasn't an easy thing to do, but love stirs a man to give. It is how men were made, to give, while a woman receives. Men in giving receives and this maybe a little hardcore for some, but sex is a brilliant example of it (don't let your thoughts wander too far now, and I will not elaborate any further on this example, it could get too graphic).
My desires, urges, wants, needs, longing, craving, hunger, burning passion, whatever you wanna call it, has to die for now. If you are asking what is the purpose of this, Eph 5:26-27 says, "...that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church (bride), not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.".
In today's world, great love is potrayed in the death of one person for the sake of another.
As this blog is titled 'Life in Death', I choose death so that there may be life. After all God has the power to resurrect, Jesus died to give life to all and then He himself was resurrected and given back the life that He laid down. There is always hope in God.

For.His.Glory

Take Me
by Worth Dying For

Take all of me
I don't want anything left.
Empty me, I'm broken for Your glory.
In all, I do praise
will be brought to Your name.

'Cause I love you.
I love You Jesus.
I love You.

When I fall Your arms are there
When I fail, You still forgive

I'm crying out from inside.
With all that I am.
Take me.

Everything I go through is for His glory. I may not see how it is possible but with God nothing is impossible. He knows what He is doing and in everything there are multiple facets not just the one I tend to see.
Things may look this way from this angle but there are more angles than just the one I'm seeing and I may not see the entire picture now but will eventually. Everything happens for a reason and nothing is coincident. There are no accidents with God.
I'm broken FOR HIS GLORY, there is no other reason for it.
And in all I do, praise will be brought to His name. I will praise Him even when its tough to.

I love Him.
He's so amazing... How can I not love Him? Even through my falls and failings, His grace surrounds me, consumes me, overwhelms me. Indeed He is God, the God that goes beyond our imagination or highest perception of who He is.

He.Orchestrates.

Life. Filled with sequences of ups and downs. Things happen and life takes a turn, but what gives you stability to do what you've been doing, to hold on to what you believe in, to keep pressing on.

I've had to ask myself that recently. Making decisions on stands I want to make with my life, boundaries I wanted to set and even strength to avoid and fight habits.

Was I doing what I wanted to, or did for a person instead of THE person. I think somewhere along the line I got it mixed and confused. I did it for someone and when that someone was removed from the picture, the questions of whether I should carry on with it emerged. I had to regain perspective on the reason i was doing it.

I have now concluded that the boundaries that I set for myself is for me and the person I'm going to spend my life with. Doesn't matter if she is in the picture now or not. My perspective has to be for something bigger than just the present, I don't wait til she has come before setting the boundaries, I do it now. I start preparing now.

I will live above reproach.

The strength that this person brought through testimony that has helped me with my struggles so far is from God, not the person. Everything is from Him no matter how it comes. I need to and will continue to look to Him coz He is my everything.

Everyday = Opportunity

I Wanna Know
by Jayson Hill

I will give You
My Commitment
To pursue You
Pushing away, everything I hold
Laying it all down
Just to know You more
I am undone
Put me back together
Because I need to know
To know You more (I wanna know)

I wanna know You more today
More than I knew You yesterday
Jesus I'm running to You
Opened arms surrendered
I will give You all of me
Just to be a apart of Your promise
That You will come to those who seek
I wanna know...

You have given me
Your promise that
That if I seek Your face
I would find You
And now I know... what Your plan is:
To make me look like You
Walk like You
I wanna talk like You
Jesus I wanna know

'Cause You have taken my pain
And You have taken my shame
You have suffered in my place
And I...
I wanna know

And now I know!!!

Everyday is an opportunity for us to draw closer, climb higher, go further, sink deeper in love with God. To know Him, encounter Him, see Him, hear Him, touch him, experience Him at a greater level than that was of yesterday.
Inspired by Jayson Hill's song and what he said regarding the revelation behind it, I quote, "Yesterday is only a stepping-stone to a better today. When His mercy rises daily with the sun, and we are given a clean slate for a new day, If we're seeking Him, His Spirit reveals that there are places so much deeper He wants to bring us, more wisdom to make us much wiser, more power to be even stronger, strength to be more pure, vision to dream so much larger, love to love so much more, resolve to deny sin one more time... I could go on with the many things that He offers those that will just receive... TODAY!!".

Isn't God amazing? That everytime we seek Him and encounter Him we are never left the same. Everyone that Jesus met left changed, transformed, different and everyone wanted that. God is limitless, He goes beyond our understanding, reasoning and logic that is why it is impossible to understand Him.

If that same God who can do all that, lives in me and has conquered death so that I can live in the same (and greater measure) as Jesus did on earth, I want to live like that.

For the price of it, its a steal of a deal.

Look.to.Him.because...

From Dr. Shadrach Meshach (S.M.) Lockridge's famous sermon:

"The Bible says my King is the King of the Jews. He's the King of Israel. He's the King of righteousness. He's the King of the ages. He's the King of Heaven. He's the King of glory. He's the King of kings, and He's the Lord of lords. That's my King. I wonder...Do you know Him?

My King is a sovereign King. No means of measure can define his limitless love. He's enduringly strong. He's entirely sincere. He's eternally steadfast. He's immortally graceful. He's imperially powerful. He's impartially merciful. Do you know Him?

He's the greatest phenomenon that has ever crossed the horizon of this world. He's God's Son. He's the sinner's Savior. He's the peak of civilization. He's unparalleled. He's unprecedented. He is the loftiest idea in literature. He's the highest personality in philosophy. He's the fundamental doctrine of true theology. He's the only one qualified to be an all-sufficient Savior. I wonder if you know Him today.

He supplies strength for the weak. He's available for the tempted and the tried. He sympathizes and He saves. He strengthens and sustains. He guards and He guides. He heals the sick. He cleanses the lepers. He forgives sinners. He discharges debtors. He delivers the captives. He defends the feeble. He blesses the young. He serves the unfortunate. He regards the aged. He rewards the diligent, and He beautifies the meager. I wonder if you know Him.

He's the key to knowledge. He's the wellspring of wisdom. He's the doorway of deliverance. He's the pathway of peace. He's the roadway of righteousness. He's the highway of holiness. He's the gateway of glory. Do you know Him?

Well, His light is matchless. His goodness is limitless. His mercy is everlasting. His love never changes. His word is enough. His grace is sufficient. His reign is righteous, and His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I wish I could describe Him to you. Yes, He's indescribable. He's incomprehensible. He's invincible. He's irresistible. You can't get Him out of your mind. You can't get Him off of your head. You can't outlive Him, and you can't live without Him.

Well, the Pharisees couldn't stand Him but they found out they couldn't stop Him. Pilate couldn't find any fault in Him. Herod couldn't kill Him. Death couldn't handle Him, and the grave couldn't hold Him. I wonder if you know Him."

SoS 8:4

LOVE IS WAITING
by Brooke Fraser

In the autumn on the ground
Between the traffic and the ordinary sounds
I am thinking signs and seasons
While a north wind blows through

I watch as lovers pass me by
Walking stories, who’s and how’s and why’s
Musing lazily on love, pondering you

Let’s give it time, give it space
And be still for a spell
When it’s time to walk that way
We wanna walk it well

I’ll be waiting for you baby
I’ll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting ‘til we’re ready
‘Til it’s right
Love is waiting

It’s my caution not the cold
There’s no other hand that I would rather hold
The climate changes, I’m singing for strangers about you

Don’t keep time, slow the pace
Honey hold on if you can
The bets are getting surer now
That you’re my man

I could write a million songs about the way you say my name
I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again
And like I can’t force the sun to rise
Or hasten summer’s start
Neither should I rush my way into your heart

It is amazing how when you lay something down or place something into the hands of the one that created/gave it to you in the first place, amazing things happen. There have been times in my life where He shows me what He wants to give me as He opens up His clasped hands and this beautiful shiny, brand new, beautiful gift sits there. Like a little child, I get so excited about it and grab/snatch it out of His hands, not content with a close up look. With my dirty hands and inability to handle the gift the way it was suppose to be handled so that it won't break or get destroyed, I mess it up. There were several times when I've broken it and tried to fix it on my own yet fail to, then like a child that feels horrible when they have broken something they shouldn't have even taken in the first place and crying out of fear gives it back to the One who gave it.
He however doesn't get angry or flare up in rage, however He receives the broken pieces and takes it away after hugging me, telling me that He loves me and its all going to be alright. He even at one time gave me a glimpse through His words that became a vision, a promise that I will have that gift one day just to assure me, so that I do not loose hope of worry. It was an experience not to forget. (I just love how he communicates and articulates things, it goes way beyond the ordinary to a point where people describe it as heavenly).
Funnily is that I've broken the very same gift several times now yet He stills responds to it with love and He fixes the gift time and time again and shows it to me, over and over again. Though He knows I'd do the same thing and possibly break it again. One thing for sure is that He knows how many times I've to go through it to finally learn to not act the same again. He is teaching me, showing me, letting me grow... and the best part is that it is not just for this one area but His plans are multi-faceted and this lesson with spill onto many other areas in my life. He chose this because He knows I will learn it best this way. After all, He did think, design and create me in the first place, of course He'd know best.
Well, here I am AGAIN. Standing before Him and He's opening His hands to show me this gift, made even more beautiful this time, extra shiny, beautiful beyond description, it looks so good I could stare at it all day and because it is so magnificent I am ever so tempted to touch/take it again.
But I've grown, I've been prepared for this moment, He's brought me so far for this reason...
To be honest, I've actually touched it (I couldn't resist, it was ..... even 'Wow' wouldn't do it justice) with my dirty hands (though I've wiped it to make sure it is clean - but how clean can it really be in comparison to Him?) but didn't dare do anything more than that. It is too beautiful to be broken.
He is smiling and chuckling (while blows the dirt off it) as He watches the way I act, He loves me so much.

I'm pulling my hand back and He's going to put it into His left chest pocket away from me (though I can still see it shining though the fabric), and He smiles at me and says, "Keep doing what you're doing, I'll keep it right here next to me, next to my heart. You will have it someday when you've learnt and grown to be able to handle it, then you will see what it can do *winks*. "

If you're wondering what does this have anything to do with the song, it has everything to do with the song. Somewhere out there, a girl - beautiful as the creator that made her - singing/listening to this song, letting it be her anthem, bringing her hope day by day, being he encourager as she grows closer to the day she meets me at the alter where we alter our lives for an even BIGGER FUTURE ahead. She's growing more and more in love with God even as you read this and even though the journey has not reached its first peak yet (there will be many peaks, it can only go higher and higher) someday it will. Beauty unraveled in love.

** "To You, if you're reading this, I love you with all the love that He has put in me and that can only increase because His love is never-ending, limitless. Through thick and thin, remember, Love NEVER fails and He IS love. I love you." - Mr. Waiting at the alter full of excitement and love, with eyes glowing and most likely shimmering because of the tears. ;)